I had a dream and in it I was giving a commencement speech. It felt like it was for my nephew Charlie, who died suddenly at 19 about 8 months ago, or from Charlie or somehow Charlie related – I got up right away and wrote this down:

“It was like I was being shaken up in a grab bag of priorities and I was trying to take a snapshot and capture something that was true.

I’m supposed to get up and tell you the thing I captured. The “Truth” as I see it. Capital T.

The dream was complicated and rangy and full, so I’ll do my best to communicate what I saw.

The world is brutal. Just when you think you’ve landed someplace safe, the great wheel of history turns again and things go to shit.

And there is time. And death. The thing were are biologically designed to resist, is the one thing that we can not stop. Time will march on. We will age. And we will die. And we can’t control when or how. Period.

There is no “safe.” The is only safer. There is no “happily ever after.” There is only happy now.

Tribalism will always exist. There will always be a bully pile. And nobody wants to be on the bottom. Nobody. So the struggle will never end. As good as humans can be, we are still animals. And to deny our animal nature only seems to turn us into the worst kind of animal. A predator instead of a meerkat.

The only thing I could come up with that felt right was this: I will not be oppressed. And I will not be the oppressor.

Here are the things I will not be oppressed by:

I will not be oppressed by the notion of perfection. I can not be a perfect anything. There is no beauty, achievement, status or idea that will change the fact of my humanness. My failings. Because I am on the ride that is the great wheel of history, everything eventually becomes dust. So becoming acquainted with the idea of GOOD ENOUGH can save me from a lifetime of dissatisfaction.

I will not be oppressed by the ideas others have FOR me. It does not matter what other people think I should do or be. It only matters what is good enough for me.

I will not be oppressed by corporations – the new kings and queens. They will tell you they have the best ideas for how you should live, and oh yeah, they can sell it to you. But true benevolent kings and queens are rare. And even then you live under their rule. So buy what fits your version of “good enough” but not the lifestyle. That pretty picture is a lie.

I will not be oppressed by denial. If something is broken or not working I will not pretend that it is. I will not try to live forever because it’s impossible and besides, a few trips around on the great wheel, if you get them, are enough for anybody. There is the next great adventure to have – the seeing what comes after. Whatever it is, it is different. It is new.

I will not be oppressed by ego and hubris. Even if I can see all the problems of the world, the best I can do influence incremental change. I imagine even Martin Luther King and Gandhi must be looking down (or up or sideways) from wherever they are now and saying “huh, I thought I made a bigger difference.” Of course they had huge impact – their fight against

oppression changed things for countless people. But they did not fix everything. The very best you can do is decide what you’d like to make better and try – and let others decide what they might try to make better and stay the fuck out of their way.

I will not oppress others. I will give others the freedom to be their flawed, human selves while doing my best to create environments where they feel seen and valued for who they are.

I will not surround myself with enemies and try to turn them into friends.

I will not be oppressed by things. Greed is a disease. If you live your life believing that there is a thing or a person that will fill up your human-sized hole of need and sadness, you will never ever be satisfied.

For instance: a man is very, very rich. He goes on vacation to Capri or the French Riviera and is invited to visit his richer friends on their yachts. He is jealous that he does not have his own yacht, so he decides to become a billionaire so he can invite other people to his yacht, so that he can be the one making other people jealous. He lives in a constant state of dissatisfaction. This is a true story. It’s been told over and over again, since the beginning of what we call time.

A person who lives without any sense of ENOUGH will be a miserable person indeed.

To me a “good” life is first built within. The first journey is the journey wherein you decide that YOU are enough. Just as you are. Then you can take your nice degree and do absolutely nothing with it. You could decide to make candles, or raise children, or live on the streets – and still be enough to yourself. When you are enough to yourself – you understand the root of true kindness. It starts inside.

And when you are kind to yourself, you can turn that kindness outward. You can ride on that wheel of history saying “thank you” and meaning it. You can look at a beautiful day and say thank you to the forces that made it and mean it. You can have a shitty-terrible-no-good day and go to bed angry and tired and over-it, but a small part of you will know that the great wheel is still turning – and you can get up the next day, or the next – and everything will look a little brighter. And you will say thank you. And mean it again.

And when you are kind to yourself and when you understand the concept of enough – you can sometimes be a little spark of joy in the world. Ephemeral, always. And that is enough too.”

So I’ve been a little busy. The film comes out soon, Sharp is shooting and we’ve been getting Dietland on its feet — we’ll know soon if we get to make it. I love AMC’s development process but it’s a little like being pregnant with either a baby or a balloon. Five scripts are done and one more on the way, so many wheels are turning. I hope we get the baby! (Nothing against balloons. I love em. But ya know…)

And I’ve started working on book! So my free style writing is going there. Which is fabulous for me but not so good for the posting here.

So much is happening in the world. Until I have time to properly check in, I want to say:

THIS IS NOT NORMAL

Don’t lose sight of that. Having a political party wage war against the best interests of the people is nothing new. Greed rules all things for some people. What is new is the blatant disregard for truth, the value of free speech, knowledge and civility.

Don’t let the double-speak become the new normal. Don’t let bastards wear you down. Let your freak flag fly and call your senators. March and scream and fight. And take time to remember that the world is still here and most people are better than bad. This is the grasping ugliness of an old system dying — and we will win.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Thornton Wilder’s “Our Town.” We performed it in Jr. High, as one does. But there’s a reason it is such a beloved play. Despite how earnest it is, it holds the fuck up. And what’s wrong with being earnest anyway? We could use a little more heartfelt straight talk, in my opinion.

EMILY:

“Let’s really look at one another!…It goes so fast. We don’t have time to look at one another. I didn’t realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed… Wait! One more look. Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover’s Corners….Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking….and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths….and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it — every, every minute?” 

Let’s realize all the minutes we can.

Onward!

xo M

What a world, right? It’s hard to care about the concerns of writers when the world is in such disorder. Undocumented people of the US and the citizens of Syria and Mosul have problems most of us can only imagine and even then not fully understand.

But we may strike. It’s happening. And I have more ground to stand on when expressing opinions on this than many of the things I spout off on.

There’s a lot of good writing on the strike. Duh. For the facts of this particular strike I refer you to the strike captain letter published here.

So I’ll just give you a few tidbits that have been rolling around in my brain, for what they’re worth.

I’ve heard anxiety that showrunners don’t care about the concerns of lower level writers around the strike. As somebody who will vocally support a strike if we can’t reach a reasonable agreement, I may have come off this way. And I’m sorry if I did. I know it will impact people in real, scary ways. My subconscious is also scared. Last night I had a dream that, because of financial worries, I took a sales job selling sparkling water (my boss was this kind of needy guy from “Married at First Sight” but that’s another story…) I think, as a showrunner who makes more money, I need to take those concerns seriously and make sure our Strike Fund for writers is generously funded. In addition, those of us with savings should reach out to people who might be struggling and make sure they don’t have to sacrifice one bit more than we do. And if you’re somebody who will face financial hardship over the strike, you deserve to feel supported by your union members. There is no shame in this. That is what unions should be about. Banding together for the common good.

Which brings me to my next point. Writers have taken a serious pay cut over the last few years. In a time when our industry is booming. This short-order business is a gift to our corporate bosses. They get better product for less.

This is where my blood boils — because it reflects the dark side of capitalism, which seems to be everywhere lately.

Corporations are expected to post gains every quarter, and the stock market goes up and up and up. But, really, there are only a few ways that’s endlessly possible. Two of them are corruption and exploitation of those less powerful.

Do you feel busy? More busy than is comfortable? Are you having trouble sleeping? Does it seem either heroic, irresponsible or weak to take a vacation?

I talk to more and more people who feel squeezed on all sides. And that, in part, is because as a nation we’re all are expected to do more for less. Because the folks who own a lot of the big businesses are expected to produce more for less. Because that stock market has to go up and up and up.

I realize this is over-simplification, but I think there’s truth in it. And the ugliest truth of all — most of the gains from all this productivity goes into the pockets of a very few, corpulent cats. The same (mostly male, mostly white) cats who are happy to lay waste to our environment, our people and our minds if it makes them a buck.

Many in the 1% of the 1% seem to believe in exceptionalism over all. It’s a dog eat dog world — and these cats are full of dog. They’ve eaten so much dog they’re pooping puppies. It’s ugly. It’s mean. And if we don’t fight back, it’s only going to get worse. Not just for writers. For everybody.

(That was a lot of cat and dog imagery. I give myself that note.)

My point is — we fight not just to protect our wages, our insurance and our share of the profits from what we’ve created — we fight because it’s the only way to take a stand against greed run amok and the damage it does to us all.

The other thing I’ve been thinking about, is why so many writers think “it looks bad” to “the public” to strike when many of us make a lot of money doing our jobs, and we’re fighting to keep making a lot of money. It seems like an elitist battle, one that has no place in the world when life is so hard for so many.

First — the world has been ending for as long as I’ve been alive. By that I mean, if we wait for a time to fight when everything is peachy… oh yeah, everything is never peachy. Things are good and bad and some guy is always walking around with a sign that says the end times are coming. Get used to it.

And more importantly, we make a lot of money because we create things that make a lot of money for our bosses. And for most writers, it’s not like we were born into it. We worked as assistants or waiters or sold sparkling water for that needy guy. We watched our friends take more traditional routes with “job tracks”. And we wrote — badly, betterly and then employable…ly. For most of us, the day we got in the Writer’s Guild of America was a big flipping day. It was the beginning of seeing our crazy gamble pay off after a lot of uncertainty and financial insecurity.  Most of us took a huge risk to win big, so why are we embarrassed if we win big? And if you’re a woman, you get 10 extra points for having balls. If you’re a man of color, more points, more balls. If you’re a woman of color, even more. If you’re a LBGTQ woman of color with a disability you get all the points. You have all the balls.

And why do we win? Because every writer who works is an inventor. We make things with words that entertain people. Something unique that only we can create. And that thing can be super profitable. Can you imagine inventing a toy, say, that was wildly successful and having your boss come back, ask you to make more toys — and as a reward for your good work offer to pay you half?

Writers need to see their work as product. Product that has value. A product that they invent and get to share in any profit it makes.

Right? Why is that immoral? I bet the guy who invented the Pet Rock or the guy who wrote “Go the Fuck to Sleep” doesn’t lie awake at night cursing his good fortune. He’s like, yeah! I made that shit up and people liked it. I’m puppy poop level well off! Aren’t you sorry you didn’t think of it??

We make this shit up. Be proud. Be strong. Demand what’s yours.

http://nymag.com/thecut/2017/02/self-empowerment-is-just-another-word-for-narcissism.html

I find this writing by Jessa Crispin really…infuriating. She makes all these statements about the publishing world with nothing cited, no concrete examples.

If anything, I see a huge attempt by people in the feminist movement  to look at the White Middle Class Female slant of the 2nd wave and correct that. What is she referring to when she talks about self care as a feminist rallying cry? That’s not the movement I’ve been involved in. The most telling bit to me is in the footnote re her PRIVILEGE

 

Notice, while she’s on and on about not being compassionate toward the lives of others — she denies the fact that BY BEING WHITE she has inherent privilege. She’s exceptional. She’s different.

Oh — and, shocker, nobody can make art that is commercial but also embraces true feminist ideas. And if you’re rich you can “buy your way out of the patriarchy”. Really? Cause I’ve worked hard and made a lot of money and — wait! Dealing with men in positions of power is my fucking life. Did I get the wrong Amex card??

I’ve been reading opinions like this for as long as we’ve been debating the word “feminist.” I’m sure she’s not wrong about a lot of white women in publishing, but where is she getting her opinions about what they ALL think and what they ALL are doing to hold on to their patriarchal model?  She promotes her idea of “one true feminism” and her own mythology — rather than look at what can be done to make women in publishing move it along toward more inclusiveness.

And some women like fucking facials. Women have been adorning themselves since cavepeople days. As have men. Women don’t just want to be gazed at, they want to gaze. Biology, lady, is a real thing. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make our own minds up about what we want to look and feel like — I believe that to my core. But this whole idea that we should abandon beauty as a value is pointless. It’s about expanding the definition.

And what’s worse? — to complain about men or blithely say they’re becoming more and more irrelevant (another footnote). She seems to be arguing that most men are not worth our trouble or thought — and that we shouldn’t demonize them. Well, most of us have to think about them. All the time.  We love them. We make children with them. They, in many cases, are our bosses. And they can piss us the fuck off while we love them and work with them.

I get the point about ascribing “specialness” to women — I am guilty of making the same kind of blanket statements. That’s something to ponder. But just notice the “specialness” of woman as she argues that women can do “whatever the fuck you want to” if you opt out of making money.

Tell that to poor women. And fucking poor women OF COLOR, many of whom have kids.

So that’s why my website is called that (or is it a blog? Who calls it a blog any more? Ugh. Anyway I’m told blogs are over. The kids are all about the YouTube now.)

People need to stop saying “Netflix & chill” immediately.

Nice guys do NOT always finish first. Bad guys are mean and sneaky and sometimes they get all the stuff, but as I like to say in my humble Smartest Woman In The World way, “their punishment is having to be them.” I would not want to live in the head of a bad guy. It’s ugly in there. Even when they get all the stuff, it’s not enough. Look at the guy in the White House. There’s a head that is full of bees if I ever saw one.

Straight Guys! This one is for you. When you are getting to know a lady via text, here are some things TO DO and NOT TO DO.

• do not send too many emojis. A signature emoji is acceptable. The occasional funny use of emoji, also acceptable. A smile is okay, so we know when your semi-hostile teasing is at least meant to be funny. A lady also enjoys a heart from time to time. But a blue heart is just plain hostile.
• oh. And you have to know semi-hostile teasing is a risky game. Proceed at your own peril.
• when a woman texts a fact about herself, pretend you digested it. Maybe even ask a question about said fact. This gives the impression that you are paying attention.
• when a woman expresses a preference for texting over phone calls, she is probably trying to get an impression of what you’re like before you go to that next step. If this makes you feel semi-hostile because you prefer the phone, that is your right and your feeling. But many women, especially younger women I imagine, feel safer in the text domain. If things are going well over text and you’re feeling the groove — try the phone trial balloon (this might be a time to employ that rare appropriate emoji. Balloon!) But don’t take it personally if you don’t get a green light right away. Lots of people barely use the phone at all. Ed Sheeran doesn’t even own one. This is a useful fact if you are one of those middle aged guys who needs to date a too-young hot thing because she’s hot and young, but also because you just realized you’re going to die. Anyway — if texting is going well it might be the moment for “this is fun, let’s make a plan for…coffee, tea, a beer…” In short, semi-hostile teasing about her preference for texting is an almost sure way to get you no sex.
• other not-as-smart-but-sort-of-smart people have said this — but a lady likes when you suggest a specific plan. Like “this is fun. let’s make a plan for coffee? I like Alfred (don’t say ‘Alfred’ unless you want her to know you’re a little not straight) on Melrose Place. Can do most mornings. What’s good for you?” That, my male friend, will get you closer to heaven.
• Don’t get needy before you even know the lady. Like, don’t. Meaning, don’t send a lot of “????” when you don’t get a response right away. Her cat might have died. Her boss might have called her in to a 4 hour meeting. She might be having sex with 5 yoked gymbros. It is to soon for ???  You’re not dating. You’re barely even communicating. Get over yourself and she might add you to the dude pile.
• If you get her confused with a DIFFERENT woman you are texting, or going to Alfred for “sort of not straight” lattes, or doing unspeakable kinky acts to — you’re probably DOA. But the only resort here is to admit it, or make up a passable lie. “Oh my God that was a joke for my sister! We make have this weird fake sex joke thing…” On second thought, don’t do that one. That one is creepy.

MORE TO COME. BUT I WANTED YOU TO HAVE THIS PERFECT ADVICE FOR THE LONG WEEKEND.

xo SWITW

Sometimes getting to YES on a project means you have to do other stuff first that opens the door. In my case, it was a long process of mixing “one for them” and “one for me” –I wrote a lot of scripts that paid for alimony and private school and the team of people it takes to raise me and my kids and give me time to actually be with said kids when I’m not furiously trying to make stuff now that I get more YES than NO. Then I would wait until an idea for something more personal would burn inside me until I couldn’t stand it and finally, I’d have to write it. That’s how To The Bone happened, also a spec called Box City that nobody would make but got people thinking of me as a writer who could do more than doctors and vampires.

This is a great article about just that. Don’t abandon the projects you love that nobody else gets. Keep them simmering in your heart and mind. If they do, they may just find YES after all.

READ THIS:

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2017/01/12/no_one_in_hollywood_wanted_to_make_la_la_land.html?wpsrc=sh_all_mob_em_top

Going to Sundance, perhaps? Or anyplace cold or where you’ll be for a long time? Or even just a place where you want to be prepared for eventualities, lots of them? Here are some things you do/pack when you are the SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD.

BEFORE THE TRIP/AT THE AIRPORT/ETC.

Decide what your VIBE is. If you’re a guy going to Sundance, you’re in luck. You basically have two choices — furry or not furry. Most men in east of La Brea seem to think their talent, prowess and humor is stored in their beard hairs. So they are furry. Usually two types of furry –“barista circa turn of the century cum dandy” or “t-shirt with a band/comic book/wry statement/art snob/bar thing and jeans that should only be washed by walking into the ocean while wearing them and then lying on a rock until they dry. On the other hand, a baby face is a statement. It says, I have a face. Here it is. Also, I’m an agent.

If you’re a woman, your vibe is a much more taxing and/or delightful quandary. You have almost limitless options. If you are the smartest woman in the world, you might make a little Pinterest board of vibes. Then you should cry because what the fuck are you doing with your life?

Make your clothes look better. Jenny’s tailors on 3rd in LA is a great place. Tell her I sent you.

As far as for the cold, it’s going to be warm inside. So dress like a regular person and then put your cold stuff on top of that. There’s no reason to go all Grizzly Adams top to bottom. Hack move.

Those noise-cancelling headphones? I felt like hands got laid on me and my ears could hear anew. Even my little bud kind.

Treat your shoes. Get yourself some of that stuff you rub on them to make them snow proof. You don’t need to buy all special shoes. But do have at least one pair of shoes that keep your tootsies warm. And those packs you rub together and they get warm? Those are awesome. Buy them on Amazon or at a sporting good store.

Get some business cards made. Yes, I realize this is not the way. But think about the fast get away. No fumble, no squinting or yelling — “W or..U??” Whip that card out, bestow it and get thee hence. Plus you can get really great cards for not very much on moo.com.

If you have never flown classy, JetBlue Mint is awesome and if you get that shite ahead it is still not dirt cheap but so very sweeeeeeeeet. It is like the Target of business class.

Dress comfortably but make an effort for God’s sake. Pretend people will be looking at you because people will be looking at you. There’s a lot of looking in airports. That strange neither here nor there, “I’ll probably never see you again” thing really gets the old fantasy juices going.

Also, at the airport, and throughout your trip, be a tipper. Even if you’re the kind of tipper who needs to make sure the clerk is looking before you drop 2 bucks in the jar. (At the hotel, tip the folks at the front desk BEFORE they give you your room. Miracles can happen once you drop some sweet, sweet cash.)

Be nice. Remember that the rude person you’re talking to may actually be having the shittiest day for some real awful reason. And most of the time that thing you’re complaining/asking/crying about is NOT THEIR FAULT/POLICY/DECISION. Look them in the eye, make sure they see you seeing them and say “how is your day going?” Smile. What happens is even better sometimes than with the sweet, sweet cash. But still drop the cash. However, if somebody is just plain awful/unacceptable/offensive — try to calmly say so and then write an email to the deciders. If you must lose your shit, by all means, just remember that despite the fact that you feel like the airport is full of people you don’t know, if you’re going to Sundance you’re super wrong.

Eavesdrop. You hear the BEST SHIT at airports.

I put a little notebook and pen in my purse. Just for that. A drawing people who are looking at each other.

Don’t be an idiot. Know what one of the most common items at the airline lost and found is? Wedding rings. Check for a tan line.

Neck pillows are BULLSHIT.

Luggage tags are not.

Benedryl is the velvet hammer for sober drunks who fear flying.

PACKING

That carry-on. Is it worth it? Imagine this, you turn your bag over to the Travel Gods. Now your arms are free at the airport for all the magazines and chex mix. You don’t have to bump around or stress about the overhead. Or about packing that tiny bag, Tetris-style, on the way back, when surely you have acquired an item or eleven. So go unencumbered and hope the Gods are with you.

Do they have laundry there? Whatever. You’re not going to do laundry.

I get special cute ziplock bags for packing things which need to be contained and/or might become wet. I found them online and then at Marshall’s for way less. This is compulsive. I realize this. Also, I haven’t had sex in a long time.

Roll. Roll that shit.

Shoe bags? I used to think no. Now I think, I step on weird stuff. Yes.

Other little bags. Cosmetic bags, bags for all the cords, bags for the mini shampoos, bags for the accessories and hair crap. I flipping love all the little bags. If you travel a lot, keep them packed. And if you are the smartest woman in the world and you upgrade your stuff — like you have a cool new battery charger thing but your old one is also cool but not as cool?  TRAVEL BAG.

A folded duffle/shopping tote if you are on a shopping type of trip so when you come back — uh huh. Boom.

A black sharpie. These are great for touch ups on black shoes, even light stains on black clothes. They are also good for drawing a beard on that babyfaced agent. Make it a condition of signing you.

If you take medications, don’t just pack enough for the exact number of days/nights. It’s called ZOMBIES, people. Things can get delayed.

Painters tape. Think about it.

Mini steamer, blow drier, curling or straightening ohmygodmakeitstop

A mini speaker and a wee candle for good tunes/smells and the sexy time that never seems to come. People are intimidated by the smart. It must be that.

Tissue. For the crying.

Sex kit. Whatever that means to you.